Why do I still feel guilty about something I once did?

Posted by admin on Dec 12, 2009 in Psychology, Self Help |

Guilt got you feeling down?

Guilt is one of the 10 Negative Emotions that I mentioned in my earlier posts. Everyone feels it at one time or another, you shouldn’t fight it, but you can appreciate it.

Guilt stems from a person violating one of their personal standards, and acts as a reminder that you’ve done something that you don’t believe in. Typically, a person will deny their guilt, and convince themselves that the feeling doesn’t exist, or that they have no reason to feel such a way. Such an approach can create a negative cycle were you continue to commit the action that makes you feel guilty. The most common cause of GUILT is rudeness.

A few other reactions to guilt that you should watch out for are, feeling overwhelmed, fear, or surrendering to guilt.

Don’t get overwhelmed or feared and surrender to guilt, people will do that and will feel inferior for the rest of their lives. They feel so regretful about something they once did. The purpose of guilt is to clean up your act, to make you not to do this again, to make things right when you screw up. I have friends who will keep feeling guilty of something they did, and because of that guilt feeling (to not face the awkwardness) they wouldn’t take the step to resolve the issue and feel more guilty. They entangle themselves into guilt every day. This becomes a vicious circle for them.

Use the following 3 approaches to effectively manage and overcome guilt.

Identify the emotion: In this case, we have identified the feeling as guilt.
Appreciate the emotion, and understand what it has to offer: Guilt’s purpose is to help us live according to our standards. Many people feel guilty about something they did in the past, and because they feel shame, or embarrassment about what they did, they never take the appropriate steps to tackle the issue at its core. Their feeling of guilt begins to grow with time!
Take one of my friends as an example. She hadn’t called her relatives in a while. She considered calling them, but because she felt guilty for not having made contact earlier, she continued to avoid the phone call. Now she’s at the point where she wants to avoid seeing them all together! All this because of a simple phone call. As you can see here, the feeling of guilt began dominating other parts of my friends life. We can’t change the past, but we can change how we react going forward.
Take action: Change our perception of the guilt and/or our procedure, and make sure we don’t violate our standards going forward.

Action, using 2 of the 3 set approach, is:

Should I feel guilt about this or not? If not, change your perception of the situation!
Did I say or do something that I don’t feel good about? If so, go back and clear up the situation. An apology always helps – the giver more than the receiver!

Happy Understanding dog